College Bound

Anyone who knows me will gasp sarcastically when they hear that I am going to college. This has nothing to with college itself, but the idea of me attending will make them say “Oh, really?”

Yes, really!

I used to think that college was vile, just another consumerist concept forcing children to put themselves into loads of debt and through crap-tons of stress to get decent jobs. And when you think of it, do we really want children to start their adult-lives with debt they can’t pay of? Is that really what the economy needs?

The idea made me want to puke.

It still does, but only a little and I can learn to wallow it back as I have had to swallow my pride when I made this decision. Despite my also hating new year’s resolutions, I made this massive choice on December 31st.

So far, this is a year of going against my own values. And that’s okay, as I am on a journey to create new ones.

That’s what growing up is. I would beg someone to shoot me in the head if I hadn’t changed since high school. I’m thankful that I am not the same person I was then. I was…a mess. Not that I’m much better now, but I am at least a little.

I now know the full value of a dollar. I know what a full’ day’s work is and what it feels like. I know that I can’t play hooky on life. i know what a returned check fee is. I know so much more, but I’m not even close to knowing everything.

That is the biggest difference between the me then and the me now: I know I don’t know it all. And I am completely okay with that. With the way this world is going, I’m sure I don’t care to know it all.

What I do want is a great job with decent benefits. I want a partner who loves me. I want a roof over my head and food and water. You know, the basics.

I already have those things. I’m not lying, I do.

But I still feel a nagging feeling somewhere deep inside. I know I can do so much more. I’m just…not.

When I was in high school, I wanted to go to college. I wanted to drink the Kool-Aid. I even took college-level courses starting sophomore year (hopefully they will transfer). But after graduating, my mother took me and my best friend to Hawaii for vacation.

It was nice to see home again. When we got back to Virginia, we missed it so much we decided to open a Hawaiian restaurant on the east coast! I no longer work there (I can explain more about that another time), but it took up too much of my time that I couldn’t get to school. Now that is no longer a problem, nothing is holding me back.

The epiphany hit me on December 31st. Me and my other half were watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, the episode in which Ted becomes a college professor.

Teaching has always been my dream job (more information about that another time as well). So when I saw Ted Mosby doing it, the fire was re-lit underneath me and now I want to get a job that makes more of a difference.

Although I used to be “against” college, I would love to be an English professor for a bunch of budding, bright adult minds. In order to get that job, sadly, I have to go to school. It all bloomed so quickly, all the petals taking their places, and I have already found the online school of my dreams.

I’m going with online so I can still work full-time. I’m lucky enough to work for a company that offers tuition reimbursement. I am unlucky enough for it not to be the job for me.

Not that they don’t treat me well. They treat everyone well, actually. But it’s not for me. The whole corporate world may have a great pay-off financially, but it offers nothing for my soul.

It leaves me feeling empty. I feel stepped on, drained. It’s a great job, but it means nothing to me, just as I might mean nothing to them as they flip through my resume and decide to not even bring me in for an interview for the promotion I applied for. I feel like I have to change myself (emotionally as well as physically) to be who they want me to be.

But no more. Well, no more after I finish my Master’s Degree.

Professor Lewis, here I come!



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