The Robe

“Why do you always wear my robe?” Dante asks me.

It’s not that he doesn’t want me wearing it (firstly, that’s what he tells me and secondly, he doesn’t even wear it himself). He is just genuinely curious why I choose to wear his t-shirts, jackets, and robe over my own. He literally has no clue.

What was once a cute way to show off my relationship is now a habit for me.

Part of the reason I find myself rummaging for something to wear on his side of the closet is due to my recent weight-gain. Not only horribly embarrassing, gaining weight is extremely expensive. What with purchasing new clothes that fit, most of which cost much more than they are worth, and finding it difficult to sell off the old, gaining weight has been the biggest inconvenience in my life.

However, even if I wasn’t getting too big to wear my own clothes, I would still have drifted over to the other side of the closet. Most women do. Thankfully, men find it cute when ladies wear their large t-shirts. It makes us look tiny, I guess? Whatever.

The truth of the matter is that clothes for men are more comfortable. The sizes are more exact. Buy a pair of jeans and you can select your waist and your length separately. Their tall-ness is not assumed by their waist size. The best we get, as women, is a “short”, “regular”, and “long”. For me, the long is too long, and the regular rides up and shows my ankles when I sit down. Rock and a hard place. You can’t find me digging around for a pair of men’s pants to wear because they have no room for my giant butt and hips but plenty of space for my non-existent penis. So, please don’t comment about how I can buy men’s clothes if I am so in love with them.

Trust me, if they fit me correctly, I would. They also tend to be much cheaper. Even though men’s clothing are made with more fabric (you know, so it can be all baggy and no-homo and all) and women’s are made to be extremely tight around the waist to accentuate curves we may not want to show off, check out the price difference I found at Walmart:



As you can see, I didn’t try any gimmicks to confuse you. They are both the same brands, clearly from the same source, and you can find the same exact thing for yourself at the website as well as in the store. Try me.

When I worked at the dollar store, I shopped for my polo shirts in the boy’s section. I got the biggest size I could find and saved like $2.


That is absolutely sad.

Another sad thing is that I liked the boy’s shirt a lot more than the women’s. Stocking shelves, unloading the truck, and standing around all day is not easy on the body. The women’s shirts were tighter and had shorter sleeves that bunched up under my sweaty armpits to eventually be permanently stained white. (I have an entirely separate post I’m prepared to make about deodorant, so stay tuned.)

Part of me would like to go Ally McBeal on my old job and sue them for making us buy our own uniforms. It’s discriminatory as women are forced to spend more on clothes made for our gender because… I’m seriously waiting for an answer.

I went to a seminar about shoplifting (ask me later) and the presenter gave a somewhat decent answer for the reason the prices are so different between the male and female section of clothing stores. He said that, based on studies that I will give the benefit of the doubt to, females (specifically teens) are caught shoplifting far more than men. As we all know, stores have no choice but to compensate for the loss by raising prices on everything.

It’s a decent argument, I will say. I know the business aspect behind it and I stand by that at least 100%. But when I buy a banana and then my boyfriend goes to buy a banana, they are the same price. Whether it is a woman purchasing it or a man, a box of cereal is the same price. I will wait for the day when a cashier is forced to press male or female on their register before ringing things up to punish women for getting caught shoplifting more often than men.

Perhaps, just maybe, it’s because men’s clothes are looser and are able to more easily conceal what they are stealing and women are forced to wear skin-tight outfits. Maybe, perhaps, it’s because a woman in baggy clothes is something more strange and noticeable these days than someone wearing nothing but a thong bikini on the beach.

Just let us be!

I can literally go on forever on this topic, but I think I will stop the rant here. This is why I wear your robe, Dante. This is why I haven’t been to the store to stock up on new t-shirts just to either grow or shrink right out of them again in a few months. And this is why not knowing (or caring) about the PAINFULLY OBVIOUS differences in the quality, comfort, and pricing of women’s and men’s clothing is just as bad as contributing to it.




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